Deciding

Today, is the beginning of the Add and Drop Session in Centre for Foundation Studies, International Islamic University Malaysia (CFS IIUM). I'm seriously in the verge of everything that's negative. Part of have this sense of giving up, but clearly I don't have the luxury to let go of anything right now. 

I am someone who are totally in to something when I'm at it. Unfortunately, I've got myself into way too much "it" to actually be "at it". I have a lot of things to sort out. It's not that big though. It's just that each of this "too much" have a meaning to me for I have reasons to be involved in all of them at the first place. Many says I'm pushing myself too hard. Then I wonder, is it really like that? Or is it just me being held up by my laziness up till now? I have this feeling of I can pull them off if I really try. 

I'm pretty much confused. Don't have much to say. I decided to calm myself first for now, and sort things out. I hope I 'll make the right decision. All is well. Assalamu'alaikum. (Peace be upon you)

A Little Goes A Long Way

Morning~

I believe it's time to clean up my dusty blog as I have completely ignored it for the past "decade". Myahaaha. XD One advice: Treasure your time. You'll never know when you'll regret not doing so. Hrm.. Anyway, I have been through a lot .Why? It's already 2013. Heh. Guess I'm the only one who writes the so called new year's post almost 2/3 of the January. It's not that sad. Al least I have plenty to say now. Myahaha... X3

Okay now. How to start this.. Hrm... I learnt a lot. Yeah. That's the right one. Academics helps, yes, but learning in sense of how to actually connect yourself with others. How to be honest and be accepted. To learn how to interact, to make friends. How to be close to ones that are dear to you. How to open up. How to take issues not by drifting into things to our own emotions. And most importantly, how to improve. It has been quite a year for me. I can totally say that the me right now, is a brand new me. Okay. The new improved me. That's more like it. Hehe.

One thing that I'd like to share is, never to expect yourself to be 100% perfect the moment you decided to change to the better. I've got to admit that I am a perfectionist when it comes to my outcomes. Academically, how to behave, competing. I had this issue of not forgiving myself, blaming myself if something did not go to plan. In turn I got the reward- I am useless. More or less that's the kind of self esteem that I had. Not that everyone saw that though. Alhamdulillah (Thank Allah) it was all in the past now.

Okay, as I'm saying, do not be too hard on yourself. If we want to change for the better, take a step. Don't take a leap. Even if it is so minor, just a little step, seemingly trivial compared to others, hang on. That little step is worth it. Why? Because that step may not be big, but it is a prove of you changing. Fact: You are changing. And that's it. From that very first firm step, you'll find yourself walking. Just like I am right now. Plus, NEVER DO IT ALONE. I tried.. Many times that I was at the verge of giving up. Then I learn, slowly, to accept others. I am happy. And I really mean it. 

This year, I intended to move forward. Yes, I may be slow paced compared to others who are already way to good for me to even stand side by side for now, but, as long as I'm moving, it's okay enough for me, for I know that a little goes a long way. =)